Where I am Manhandled by a Fat Man in a Red Suit!

My latest adventure started with the fateful words “We’ve got to get ready, I’m going to take you to get your picture taken with Santa.”  The first thing I did after Mom said that that was to jump, run in little circles and whine. That’s pretty much normal for me when I hear we are going bye-bye in the car. Then, she started cleaning me up, brushing my coat and wiping the boogies out of my eyes all of which takes 500 years when all I want to do is GO. Mom told me to calm down and then went down to the basement with me hot on heels. She opened Max-the angel dog’s tub and took out a soft, red jingle-bell collar that she put on me, a toy hamburger that was to die for, and a set of furry pointy sticks connected by a headband. This last item gave me pause as in my experience, headbands never lead to anything good. Mom called these furry sticks “antlers” and I felt very uneasy when I saw her put them in her purse. It was only when I was walking out to the car that I thought “What the heck is a Santa?”

I soon found out. We went up to Feeders where there were about a million other dogs and their people waiting in line. As we walked through the store, Mom refused to let me wipe out all the other nasty smells by saying “No tinkle” every other second. She signed some papers at a desk and then we went to wait in line like everybody else. I wanted to remain standing as a couple of knuckleheads kept trying to challenge me, but she made me lie down and that ticked me off. When they called our name, Mom took me up and gave my leash into the hand of some weird looking fat man in a red velvet suit. Heck, even I know that normal human males don’t wear red velvet. Mom turned and started to walk away, yes that’s right, leaving me with this freak-o-saris  who had possible dog killer written all over him. After all, that red color may have come from the blood of my innocent, but pea-brained kin. I tried to run after her, but he grabbed my collar and for a minute I thought I had met my doom. A minute later, I wished I had. Mom stopped and picked up her purse, then whipped out the antler sticks and planted them on my head. Another guy took a picture of me (O, the humiliation!) and while Mom was looking at it, I saw a couple of frou-frou dogs laughing at me behind their paws. I flashed them a tooth, though, when Mom wasn’t looking and you can bet that wiped the grin off their faces pretty quick. Mom asked the guy to take another picture of me without the antler sticks to see if she liked it any better. But I was done, I’d had enough! I was supposed to get to see a Santa and I never did, it was all a big trick! So I decided right then and there to close my eyes so the camera couldn’t see me. That should teach Mom and all of them a big lesson!