Where I Talk About Learning to Swim

Sorry it has been so long, but my Mom went on a trip way far away and left me all by myself at the Bed and Biskit Lodge. I know, I couldn’t believe she would do such a thing to me, but she did! She said she was going to the Washington capitol and that I couldn’t go because they didn’t allow dogs, but I have heard her talk about this place before and she said something about a few skunks that lived there. Now, what kind of city has room for skunks and not for dogs? Just asking… Anyways, I planned to give her two cold shoulders when she came back, but I didn’t. I was so happy to see her that I jumped up on the counter, spun around in circles and tried to give her 4,200 kisses while almost knocking her down. She said she was happy to see me, too, and called me her “bubbi, but she did not stand on her head or do any flips, so I think I missed her more than she missed me.

Well, now that it’s getting warmer outside, I can start thinking about swimming again. I didn’t know what swimming was until I came to live with Mom and Dad and they took me to a pool one day. Friends, just so you know, a pool looks like a gigan-enormous water bowl. A guy that worked there put me in a strange contraption that buckled around my belly and tried to coax me into that water, but at first, I was like “nothing doin.” But somehow when I walked, the floor ran out and all the sudden, I was in the water whether I liked it or not. The water must have been magic, though, because I did not drown, I just floated along. I still did not like it too much, though, until we started playing water-ball and that was lots of fun. My legs became like big flippers and I was so busy chasing the ball all over the pool that I forgot to be scared. I never did have to wear that thing around my belly anymore once I knew how to swim.

I asked Mom for a cool new pair of swimming goggle this year, but she said that I would probably have to wear a swimming hat instead. She said we have to try something to keep my ears from getting nasty and sick. Somehow, the idea of a hat in the water doesn’t sound right to me, I am sure I am heading once again for dork city. All that remains is for her to dress me in socks and sandals and then my humiliation will be complete.

Where I Talk About How I Like to Howl

Friends, did I ever tell you about how I like to howl? Well, I do. I live nearby something called a hospital and all the cars that have screaming machines on top like to go there. When I hear them go by making all that noise, it just seems like I have to join in. It feels so good to let loose…you know, point your nose toward the sky and shout as loud as you can. I don’t know why this feels great, it just does. It must be a dog thing. Mom says I am loud enough to shatter glass when I get going. She calls me “white fang” or “call of the wild” when I howl and it’s almost dark and cold and she can only see my shadow out in the yard. This is a private joke because my grandma was convinced when she first heard me that I was secretly a wolf. I think I could be a wolf if I wanted to, but I would rather just be a good boy.

One time, my Mom and Dad were in the car and I was with them in the back seat. (By the way, I don’t see why I always have to be the one in the back seat, I am thinking about making a complaint to the German Shepherd Society.) Anyways, Mom was driving and she pulled into a place where they have little tiny humans inside small gray boxes that talk to you. I heard her say something about hamburgers and my ears perked up. I was trying very hard to think of some way of getting her to order a hamburger for me when all the sudden, I heard something. Mom had time enough to say “Oh, God, no” and then I commenced: AAAARRRRROOOO! AAARRRROOO!   RUFF! Ruff! RUFF! AAAARRRROOOO!  AAAARRRROOOOOOO!   AAARRRROOOOO!  Ruff!   Ruff! Ruff! Mom had her hands over her ears and she and Dad were laughing real hard. The tiny human in the box kept talking the whole time, but Mom and Dad couldn’t hear a word he was saying.

Sometimes, Mom will howl and bark with me, but she doesn’t do it right. My guess is that she failed Basic Howling 101. I have tried to teach her, but you know how hard it is to catch up once you fall behind. Sadly, I think she will always be a little bit below average in this area, but I will bite any dog that says so. Nobody hurts my Mom and lives to tell about it.