Where I Discover That I'm Giant and Have a Huge Head!

When I went out for breakfast this morning, it was already a beautiful day and I was so happy. Mom wouldn’t let me go out in the backyard for about 35 weeks because of all the rain, she kept saying it was too muddy, although why that matters, I have no clue. Anyways, I was like, finally, I can spend all day playing in my yard. I can chase balls and sneak up on the squirrels, talk trash with Reese, the chocolate lab, and race her up and down the fence, and try to get to the rabbits who (most unfairly) hide away under a stupid shed where I can’t reach them. And it was while I was dreaming about all this that Mom dropped the bomb. She said I had to go have a bath today. REALLY? You’ve got to be kidding! Somehow, I get the feeling that my play schedule is not regarded as seriously as it deserves by one who shall remain nameless.

So, off we go. My bath place, called the Hound’s Tooth, has moved since the last time we went there, Mom said it’s now on Taylorsville Road.  It is much bigger and brighter than their other home and everything is brand spanking new. My friends, Carla and Jeramie were waiting there and were so excited to see me. I got lots of kisses from them both  and they called me their “baby” and “little man” and told me how handsome I was, all of which was true, of course, but did go some way toward soothing this savage beast.

Mom went off and left me there, which was OK, because she knows Carla and Jeramie and knows they love me and are nice to me whether she is there or not. So, they brushed about 1,000 pounds of hair off me which they call “getting fumigated,” and gave me a bath with shampoo that makes me not so itchy. I was nice and clean and it felt pretty good although I will never admit it to Mom. They did lots of other things, too, but fellow dogs listen up! They are a couple of odd things I have to mention. Carla and Jeramie seem to have a strange obsession with wanting to cut on my toenails. It doesn’t hurt, but I usually whine when this is going on as a form of protest and today, I even gave Jeramie a love-nip on his ear. Also, sometimes they stick a weird, fuzzy brush in my mouth and move it around, but I don’t mind this too much because I eat the paste which is yummy. This time, they sprayed some stuff in my mouth, too, and chipped some yucky gunk off my teeth. I am not sure what to think about these strange behaviors, I would sure hate to think my good friends are going koo-koo.

Mom wanted to take a picture of me, all cleaned up, with Carla and Jeramie so she made me lie down and wait because a man came in the door just then to pick up his dog. The man started petting me and told Mom “Boy, I would sure hate to be around if he got mad” and I puffed my chest out a little bit to show him how fierce I was. Then he said, “What does he weigh, about 105 pounds?” I thought he was kidding, at first, but then I saw that he was serious! Did he mistake me for an elyphant? I only weigh 85. Mom made it worse because she said people thought I was bigger than I was because I was so tall and HAD A HUGE HEAD!!!! Thanks a lot, Mom!

Does anybody know where I can find somebody named Jenny Craig? Oh, and maybe  a head-shrinker?