Where I Graduated From Obedience Summa Cum Doggee

When Mom first mentioned obedience class, I wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but I didn’t mind the idea of going. The truth was that I’d rather be with her doing nothing than by myself doing pretty much anything. And if she needed help with obedience, how could that be bad? So, she signed us up for a six week course at Feeders Supply. I will never forget that first night when we walked in to what looked like a convention for giant dogs. Of the eight or ten dogs there, nine started talking trash as soon as they saw me. They barked “COME ON, TOUGH GUY, MAKE MY DAY!” and “MY FANGS IN YOUR THROAT ARE GOING TO BE THE LAST THING YOU FEEL, PUNK!”  plus other rude and nasty things. Mom pulled me over to one side before I could have them for breakfast, but I couldn’t help thinking if the class was going to teach manners, there were a few dogs that were definitely in the right place.

The first class was mostly to let us meet everybody. Then, we worked on looking at our Moms or Dads when they said our names and coming when we were called. We also spent a lot of time on “sits” which I already knew. Mom was a little slow in that department, though, I don’t think she ever did learn how to sit on command. I got lots of cookies for my performance, but I don’t think she got a single one.

Class two almost started out as a disaster. They told us the week before not to wear harnesses as they encourage pulling, so Mom put a collar on me for this class. But I was so excited when we got out of the car that I was pulling her at a run and almost made her fall. Mom said I had to have a harness as she couldn’t afford any broken bones so the people doing the class suggested a better harness. We spent the rest of the time practicing “sits” (for the slow ones, shhh!, don’t tell Mom) and “downs” at which I was a pro and not pulling at which I sucked.

It was around the third week that I realized we had we had a problem dog, a female Swissy, in the mix. I was not exactly sure why I didn’t like her, I just knew she was trouble. She kept staring at me, so I growled at her real mean a couple of times. Then, we did exercises to practice all the commands we had already learned and the teachers talked about prissy things like grooming.

During week four, they taught “leave it” and “drop it” which I already knew and I did OK with those. (Poor Mom, I am afraid she is not going to get to graduate…I think she is hoping to slide through on my performance and will be crushed if she is given an “F” on her Pawgress Report.) They also talked about different kinds of dog food at the end and I offered to be a taste-tester, but they said they weren’t taking any applications at that point.

Week five was memorable because that was the time I got assaulted by a plastic bottle. The Swissy continued to stare at me and I continued to growl at her so finally one of the teachers smacked me on the nose with a water bottle. I was like “What the freak just happened?” and then I realized that she must have hit me by mistake, she had to be aiming for the Swissy. I kissed the teacher on the cheek to let her know all was forgiven, but just to be on the safe side, I only growled under my breath from then on and gave the bottle a wide berth.

On the last week, we reviewed everything we had learned or not learned. Then, we all had time to show off doing at trick we had practiced. My trick was Mom pitching a ball, me catching it and then dunking it in a basket. I think they knew enough at that point not to expect a trick from Mom. Then, we did something called “agility” to finish off the night. We jumped over rails and ran up and down little mountains and, scariest of all, we had to run through big tubes called tunnels. I bit the tunnels several times so that they knew they better not try to mess with me.

Anyways, after all that, they passed out our diplomas with our name on them. I had them put Mom’s name on my diploma so she wouldn’t be too upset about not passing. Then, we said goodbye to everybody but the Swissy, and I headed home with my first advanced degree under my belt.