Where I Am Entered in a Halloween Contest

It has been so long since I wrote that you are probably wondering if I was dognapped or something. I am actually fine, but my mom has been acting crazy for the last couple of weeks. She has been so busy trying that stupid Halloween costume on me and then taking it off and sticking needles in it that she didn’t have time to write down what I was saying. To tell you the truth, I wondered what the needle business was all about, like if she was doing voodoo on me or something, but she said she was sewing on my costume because part of it was too long. I didn’t know Moms’ cussed, sewing must be hard work. Then, she took me up to the Hounds Tooth to get a bath of all things. I swear she is obsessed with being clean. I just had a bath about two months ago, I wasn’t even dirty. Besides washing you, they clean your ears and brush your teeth and clip your toenails and all kinds of personal things that I would rather not mention. Then, they started in with putting the dumb costume on me and making me pose for about a thousand pictures!!! I mean, I like everybody there, don’t get me wrong, they are all super nice to me especially Carla who calls me her baby and gives me kisses. But geez, somebody give a break!

Mom finally came to get me and loaded me in the car, still in that dang costume. I thought we were finally going home to do what really mattered, namely pooping and playing ball, but NOOOOOOO! She took me over to Feeders Supply where, to my disgust, I saw millions of other dogs in costumes. That’s when I found out that Mom had entered me in the Feeders “Howl-O-Ween Contest. I felt like I was in the middle of a nightmare. So, we go in and at first all I see are all these little dogs pretending to be hotdogs and such and then, me, the lone giant and I was humiliated. But a few minutes later, I saw my friend, Jerry-the-trainer, and he had several of his huge Dane dogs in costume with him and I felt a little better. Still, I was so freaking hot in that costume and Mom kept making me lie down instead of letting me circulate. I never did get a chance to make time with that pretty Golden who was giving me the eye. Anyways, we all had to parade around in front of judges and I didn’t get picked. The three winners were the Dane dressed like a camel, the boxer dressed in boxing clothes and a little dog dressed as a Chia Pet, whatever that is. But Mom said I was still number one in her book even if I didn’t win.

On the big night itself, Mom came rushing in from work and got me dressed in my costume again. I lay there like a giant dog-mat in front of the door for 22 hours and we had one human puppy come by in all that time and that was Meg who lives next door. I am sure there is a lesson in there somewhere, but I haven’t figured it out yet. Mom is already planning for next year, but I think we better skip Halloween and go straight to Turkey Day, now that’s my kind of holiday! And nobody better get any ideas about dressing me up as a fat bird or blood is going to flow.

By the way, I know I promised you pictures of me and a couple of friends who need homes last time, but there was some sort of glitch with the pictures and that’s another reason why we are late. They should be coming soon and Mom will post them for me as soon as they come in.